The Worst Christmas Cartoon Ever

OK, I just finished watching the hands down, worst Christmas cartoon ever. Since Brighton is asleep (for three hours now) and my peanut butter buckeyes are chilling awaiting their hot chocolate bath, Andrew and I decided to sit down and turn on the boob tube. Our choices were Golf (yuk), Ice Skating (double yuk), some show on PBS about how stupid anyone over the age of 20 is when it comes to technology (hey, I have a My space page), an infomercial for some program probably to make me rich which of course, I turned off, or what we eventually settled on, The Worst Christmas Cartoon Ever. “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”. The song, I love. The song conjures up warm fuzzies from a time past when Dad and I used to ride in his 1985 Monte Carlo, blaring his cassette radio, singing along to the song. Never once did I hear “Grandpa’s gonna sue the pants off of Santa” set to a rumba. The gist is Grandma drinks too much eggnog spiked with a memory altering tonic (that also just so happens to act as reindeer nip), goes outside presumably to walk home and gets struck by Santa and his reindeer. Santa proceeds to take Grandma home to the North Pole, and apparently with his other three victims, hospitalizes her (who is physically fine but can’t recall who she is or where she came from). While grandma is recovering in the North Pole drinking hot toddies and cocoa with peppermint schnapps (OK, I added that but SOMEONE was drinking them when they made this cartoon) her scheming daughter was having poor old stupid grandpa sign over POA to her so she could sell the beloved store where Grandma makes her ever popular fruitcake and make millions on the deal, along with her trusted sidekick and attorney, Slime. So Jake (the grandson) writes to Santa telling him what happened and that he wants his grandma back home for Christmas. Naturally, of course, Santa figures out that she is the one victim who can’t identify herself and Santa brings her home. Where Of COURSE the scheming daughter decides now that grandpa should sue Santa for the disappearance of grandma, leaving the scene of an accident and attempted sleighicular homicide. Jake finds the vial, gives some to grandma who miraculously gets her memory back (oh yeah, the daughter has been hiding grandma in a log cabin in seclusion after Santa brought her back), and they head to the courthouse to show the judge that grandma is NOT missing and is right here. I won’t go on, but to tell you that Santa is vindicated, all is well with the world and toys will indeed be delivered thanks to Jake and his dog, Dufus. The end.

Andrew and I stopped watching twice to look at each other is complete disbelief. Then promptly cracked up laughing until tears flooded our eyes. OK, mine anyway. Andrew just rolled his eyes and muttered “shoot me now” to the tele. All I can say is I am very glad that Brighton wasn’t awake to see that one. We’re going to plan on putting in a video tonight rather than watch what’s on basics. Maybe National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Yeah, that’s much better.

PS. Brighton’s newest words are “HAT”, “DOG” and “SANTA”. Which actually sound like “HAAAAGH” “DAH” and “SANTA” Yes, Santa sounds a lot line Santa…go figure.

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